Get to know the voice in your head.

This post is the written version of the third episode of my podcast. I’m sharing it here for anyone who prefers reading over listening, or who wants to sit with the words in a more sensory-friendly way. You can read below, listen to the episode, or move between the two in whatever way feels right.

Listen to the audio version here → [Spotify]

Hey, welcome or welcome back to Voice Notes from the Astral. I'm Sarah Slava, and today I want to talk about something that most of us rarely stop to question: the voice in our head.

By the time we reach adulthood, we've absorbed thousands of thoughts, opinions, and insecurities. Some of them are ours, but a lot of them actually come from the people and environments we grew up in.

Over time, these outside perspectives become part of our inner dialogue. We carry them around as if they're our own voice, and we rarely stop to think about where these thoughts come from.

Learning to recognize the different voices in your head and where they started can be a really powerful way to reclaim your own personal narrative. It's also one of the fastest ways to reconnect with your inner voice.

So I wanted to share a personal anecdote.

When I was in middle school, I stumbled across an Avril Lavigne music video and instantly became obsessed. Naturally, my 11-year-old self decided that I wanted to start wearing more black clothes.

At the time, this was a pretty big shift for me. My mom is a Russian immigrant, and she mostly dressed me in pinks and blues. So announcing this new fashion direction felt bold—but I didn't realize just how seriously she would take it.

Instead of laughing it off, she sat me down and explained that the way I dress matters more than I realize. What would my teachers think? What would the religious community center we attended think? Worst of all, what would strangers think—crossing guards, police officers, random adults in public?

She started talking about first impressions and how the way people perceive you can affect how they treat you.

And on some level, she wasn't wrong. But that conversation planted a very unhelpful seed in my 11-year-old brain.

As I got older, I became extremely aware of how people perceived me. By the time I reached my early twenties, I had pretty much lost sight of my own authenticity.

When I eventually decided to start my own business, authenticity was something I cared about deeply. I wanted whatever I created to feel honest and real.

But pretty quickly, I noticed something strange.

There was this sneaky little voice in my head that would criticize almost everything I wanted to create—every idea, every social media post, every video I considered making. My brain would immediately jump to all the possible ways my words could be misunderstood or judged.

Over time, I realized that voice sounded very familiar.

And it wasn't mine.

It sounded like my mom.

Growing up where she did, standing out was not a good thing. Drawing attention to yourself for being different could actually be dangerous. There were strong cultural and social expectations about how you should behave, how you should present yourself, and how you should fit in.

So her concerns about me dressing like a good, well-mannered girl came from a very real place. It was protective.

But that fear of standing out also became something I carried with me into adulthood.

I would write something, post something, or even just consider sharing an idea, and my mind would immediately start imagining all the potential negative reactions from the internet.

There were even moments where I would comment on other creators' posts and delete my comments immediately after posting. I could be typing something as simple as, “Oh my gosh, I experienced the same thing. That's crazy.” And before I even finished the sentence, I would start hitting backspace.

For a long time, I didn't connect the dots between that childhood conversation about dressing punk rock and the hesitation I felt expressing myself in my business.

But once I did, things started getting a lot easier.

That voice didn't completely disappear, but identifying where it came from stripped it of most of its power.

Instead of becoming paralyzed every time I wanted to share something, I started pausing. In those moments, I would acknowledge the part of me that felt afraid—the part of me that had inherited my family's concerns—and then remind myself that I'm safe.

I'm allowed to express myself. I'm allowed to be seen. And it's safe to do so.

So all this to say: pay attention to the voices in your head.

Oftentimes, they are telling you stories that were handed to you a long time ago that you have subconsciously adopted as your own.

Notice the repeating thoughts that seem to show up every time you want to take a risk, speak up, or show up more authentically in your life.

Sometimes those thoughts aren't actually your own voice.

Sometimes they're echoes of the past.

And once you start identifying them, you can begin separating them from the voice that actually belongs to you.

If this is something you're working through, I have a couple of suggestions that might help.

First, try giving that voice a name. Bonus points if it's a name you can make fun of. When that voice shows up, call it out. That simple act can create some distance between your own thoughts and the beliefs that were conditioned onto you.

Another thing that can help is writing a letter to the part of yourself that feels afraid—or even to the person whose voice you've internalized.

In this letter, you can acknowledge the fear, validate where it came from, and explain why that belief no longer supports the life you're trying to build.

Lastly, I know we talked about this last week, but affirmations can be very helpful for this kind of thing. I personally find “you are” affirmations to be much more effective than “I am” affirmations, because the root of this voice wasn't internal to begin with.

At the end of the day, becoming aware of your inner narrator is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself.

Because once you realize that not every voice in your head belongs to you, you get to decide which ones you want to keep listening to.

I hope this was helpful.

If you want to continue the conversation, feel free to comment down below or DM me on Instagram at astral.sarah. All my links are down below in the show notes.

I hope you have a good week. Bye.